$$ an expired break-up letter...holla!!

Monday, July 28, 2008 3:19 PM

dearest PARE,

Der’s so much on my mind ryt now and I can’t stand to have it weigh on me.

Maybe it wud be wise to allow all these thoughts to sit, to cure, to unravel and to perhaps wind down

It seems an eternity wid my mind, a factory constantly creating, churning, and spewing out product…while no one is buying.

The supply far exceeds the demand.

While ur actual appearance in my reality has become a dim flicker,

in my consciousness I have fashioned a demigod (I mean to say I have been thinking about u a lot)

I hav come to understand on a clear and concise level what it is that I am not getting from our relationship.

Now, I feel guilty, selfish, and undeserving for even desiring those things.

Yet, I go on desiring

Until recently, the hope of a future where the seeds of my longing come to fruition has been enough

I am so sad.

I cannot even calculate my sadness. Der’s a lot of hurt here.

I wish I was able to show u dat I am a person of passion as well as substance, of logic along side impulse.

Perhaps, it is evident now. Der are 2 things, but I will address now only the crux of d matter.

Why do I hav to write these words, wen I should speak dem?

I love you…

I just do and I want u to love me too. But u just don’t. or if u do, u don’t show it.

U don’t want to say it.

Am I aiming to get something out of you?

I don’t know anymore.

I’m just tired of striving so hard.

I wanted to wait until u wer ready.

Now I think u will never be ready.

NOT FOR ME.

Maybe dat’s d problem.

I am blind and do not realize that u are not for me, but for someone else.

You amaze me.

I feel comfortable wid you and can imagine so much more wid us togeder.

But I need you to open up to me on an emotional level.

If it’s not there, then it’s not there.

It hurts me to think that. For your sake and mine.

It pains me to think dat u myt have nothing to say, dat all this pouring out of me is simply a catalyst for a cataclysmic reaction.

I don’t want to stop being wid you, but for how long can I hang on to impossible dream?

I guess this is GOODBYE.

“No matter how strong your feelings to somebody, if they can’t be returned—those feelings mean NOTHING” (jan aq natauhan nang mabasa q yan)

“I will not be wid a man hu leaves me alone even during special dealings (monthsary, xmas..)”

“I will not be wid a man hu wud always ask me to wait after office hours”

“I will not be wid a man hu can just watch my tears fall not minding at all”

“I will not be wid a man hu can’t initiate an ILOVEYOU confession”

“I will not be wid a man hu is extremely insensitive of what I feel and doesn’t seem to understand my thoughts”

“I will not be wid a man hu shows disinterest wen we talk about our future together”

“I will, under any circumstance, not be wid a man hu is cynical in regaining faith in me after I have distrusted HIM once for the reason he refuse to see and believe”.

Hindi q ginusto nung ginawa q syo ung bagay n un, my sarili aqng dahilan pro matagal q ng pinagsisihan. Alam kong mahirap ng ibalik ung TRUST n un, tanggap q n un..
im sorry….

-------TIN